Review By Jonathan Carnahan
Listen chums, we’ve all heard this one before. You all know my sister, Evy, the librarian and Egyptologist, and how she’s the reincarnation of the Egyptian princess Nefertiri. Now we’ve got Katie here in Lee Cronin’s The Mummy housing Nasmaranian, the ancient Egyptian demon. It’s not exactly a fair trade off, is it? Listen old sport, I know the way you feel about Evy. How could you not love the old gal? The way she rides those camel humps, moving her lovely lady lumps, all the way to Hamunaptra.
dig, dig, dig, dig
put, put, put, put
dig, dig, dig, dig
put, put, put, put
What in the good heavens was my sister even talking to that camel about? Lee Cronin would've cut that babel from his 132-minute saga, I can tell you that right now. But you, you want to see more of her, don't you old chum? Well, I am her brother after all, old sport. And brothers do have certain privileges.
I do have the ability to, how should I say, let you... see... her.
Quite the gal, isn’t she? Wut? Sure, I can put in a good word for you, old sport. Say, I’m a bit hung up for cash at the moment. How’d you like to see a few more snaps of my sister, eh? She’s got that girl-next-door je ne sais quoi, am I right about that, ya old geezer?
Here. Let me tell ya what I’ll do. Get up real close here and…
Oooh, good grief, that’s one of Nasmaranian, the demon. That’s her dried out foot and claw hand. Good heavens.
Give me a second, I’ve been at the old gaffer’s tipple again. I’ll be my sister’s ruin I will. But say, listen, you know I’m good for it, chum. I’ll get you back when I’m not so tight.
And what about a good one of Evy, eh? Something a little candid, eh? Something a little more behind-the-scenes, if you’re catching your old pal Jonathan’s drift?
What do you say, ya dirty knave? You know I love it.
Eeoooh, that’s the demon again, but now she’s in like Katie’s old coat. Not a good look, eh old sport? Wait a second, here’s one. Ah yes, this one is much more fitting.
She’s in bed here, oh yeah, you’re gonna like this one.
What do you say, slip me a couple quid, me hearty? Give old Jonathan just enough to get out of the house, eh? Just enough to turn off Lee Cronin’s The Mummy and get back to what Jonathan does best: taking the gruff and eating the muff, eh old sport?
Just something to help get me through the weekend. Wut’s that? Oh yeah, the Evy snaps, of course. The bedroom one? Right-o chum, I’ve got that one, you’ve got the money, yeah?
Right this way to Evy, my beautiful, bedbound sister Evy. Take a jolly gander chap.
Wut’s that? Nasmaranian again? I say, my apologies old chap but I could’ve sworn… oh right, that’s not her, is it? Not her eyes. Not her jaw… or forehead bumps and lumps.
But listen, I really need that money, old sport. Gimme that money ya fackin’ twat. I can get that demon to do things to you, things your spouse just won’t do.
Lend me a tenner and she’ll have a taste of your little piggies.
Come here old chum.
The North End 
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